Yesterday was nice. I was just happy in general. The mood carried on after a great weekend. We haven’t had such a good weekend in awhile and it was refreshing.
I started on my craft project yesterday. I took the mats, old photos and glass out of the 4 frames I purchased from Goodwill. I then spray painted them white. They will need a second coat of paint and it was a little late yesterday so I didn’t get to finish up.
I also purchased two brass candlesticks from the Hospice Thriftstore. One is a regular looking candle stick and the other is flower shaped and a little shorter. I spray painted the tall one white and the flower one a light pink. They need another coat as well. I loved the white and pink because I can use them for Valentine’s Day and also, Easter. I am planning on tying a bow on the white one with some spring colored ribbon.
Of course, it was late and I forgot to take ‘before’ pictures but I will most certainly take ‘after’ pics!
The happiness of yesterday didn’t last all day.
I got off work and needed a glue stick for my craft projects. I sent RH a text message asking if I could stop by Walgreens on the way to pick up J from daycare. He said that was fine. On the way to Walgreens, I decided to go to Joann’s Fabrics because it is close and easier to get in and out quickly. I sent RH a text message asking him if I could go there instead. He said it was fine. I picked up my son first and then headed on over to Joann’s.
During this whole process, I was texting RH constantly. While driving… while picking up my son… while at Joann’s… He said he doesn’t have a problem with me going to the store on my own if he knows what I’m doing.
When I got home, I grabbed my bags from Joann’s and put my cell phone in my purse. I took my son inside and set my purse on the couch. My son needed to go to the bathroom so I went to turn on the light for him. When I got back to the living room, I heard the *ding* of my phone saying I received a txt.
When I checked the message, it said “What are you doing????” I txted back, “Nothing. J had to go to the bathroom. I am taking price stickers off of my stuff so I can paint it.”
During txting that last message, I got another “What are you doing???” and I responded, “I just sent you a txt.”
He called and asked what I’m doing, to which I replied the same answer as my text message. He said “Ok” and hung up on me with no “I love you” or anything like we always end off our conversations.
A short time later he sent me a text message saying, “I love you. Sorry.” and I wrote back that it was okay.
When RH got home from work (about 30 minutes later), I acted like I always do. I gave him a kiss and went about making dinner. He went to the living room to watch TV.
A short minute later, he came back in the kitchen and said “When did you turn on the TV for Jacob?” I responded, “When we got home, I turned on Cars for him to watch.”
He said, “Well, the DVR only shows that it has been playing for 8 minutes.”
I told him, “That’s because it stopped Cars to record your music show you have set to record everyday and I had to switch it back over so J could watch Cars.”
He always checks up on me and constantly accuses me of things. It is the most frustrating part of our relationship. I have never been unfaithful to him. This is our biggest struggle. It just killed my happy mood and made me wish I didn’t even try to go to the store by myself.
After this, I had a mini-breakdown. I want to be honest. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like no matter how beautiful I try to make our home, how hard I try to be the best wife to him, it won’t matter. He still won’t trust me when I didn’t do anything to lose his trust anyway. I never wanted to be with anyone else except him.
He was rude all morning and it still being rude to me now. I’m just tired. I don’t want to be at work.
I know all the changes I am making are worthwhile. I just have to keep up the good work and try to live the way God wants. I have already seen so many changes in myself and in RH. I want us to set a good example for our children and keep our life moving forward in a positive direction.