I mostly made this blog for myself. Who am I kidding? I want feedback.
This have been seriously messed up since last year. I mean, two years ago… no wait, three years ago? I don’t know where it all fell apart.
This a log of my journey. I want to see how far I can come. I want to see how much I can grow. I want you to see it, too.
I have never had a close relationship with Jesus. I felt a void. I felt that something was missing. I felt like my life was a roller-coaster ride and I couldn’t get it to stop or slow down. I was slowly losing control.
Everyone knows that a recipe of young love, false promises and a non-existent relationship with the Lord can end up disastrous. That’s what happened to me. Although, he was an alcoholic, I liked to pretend I was perfect and had no fault in our downfall. Why didn’t he love me enough to stop drinking? Why didn’t he love our newborn son enough to stop his foolishness? I realize now that he had a serious problem: a disease. It festered in our new marriage and our young love, poisoning it all. I will never regret the choice to love him. I received the best gift of all: our beautiful, baby boy. I also hope that he learned something from our time together. I know I learned too many lessons a little too late.
Fast forward a few years, I met a wonderful man. I will refer to him as RH. He is wonderful. He is a hard worker. He is the father my son no longer has. He helps people. He strives for excellence. He wants something better for his children and better for me.
Sadly, as it often does, both of our past relationships left us with lots of emotional baggage to sort through. This is our life now. We are a blended family and although it is wonderful, it is so very difficult at times. The past year has brought us many challenges. We have nearly called it quits a few times even though we both desperately wanted to make things work.
We began going to church about six months ago. We both loved the message and the time of worship. I longed for a relationship with God. I asked him into my heart. I asked him to heal this relationship. I asked him to cleanse me of my sins.
There were so many things I didn’t know about our Lord. I am striving to learn the ways he has set up for us. I am embarrassed to admit that I haven’t spent much time studying the bible. That is changing. I grew up going to church but I never enjoyed it. I never felt like I was getting anything out of it. That has changed. I asked God to take me in and teach me and I feel that he has touched my heart.
It has been a few weeks since I have started living differently. I have submitted to God and am learning to submit to my husband as well. Things have radically changed. We are so much happier. We talk more. We laugh more. Sure, there are speed bumps along the way. We are still have some of our old habits. I have apologized twice in the last two days and I’m sure RH can tell you that I’m not known to do that!
This is my journey that my God has sent me on.
I can’t wait to see where he takes me next.