Monthly Archives: January 2011

I go back to December all the time…

God’s grace and forgiveness truly are amazing. This last week has been one of the best in quite a while. I have been making dinner, keeping the house clean, spending more time with my baby boy and decorating. I’ve been using my apron! 🙂

On Friday, RH took me to an estate sale I had been reading about. Finances were a little tight last week but he knew how much I wanted to go. I found the most beautiful dish to place my jewelry in (I keep one on top of my dresser), a gorgeous locket and two different casserole dishes. We had such a good time. I also found an 80-piece china set just like the one I had always wanted for sale. RH knew how much I wanted it but I was okay leaving it there since we didn’t have too much to spend this week. He surprised me and bought! It came with the cutest matching cream and sugar bowls. I set them out on the table after I decorated for Valentine’s day. Pictures coming soon!

He must be noticing a change. I have noticed one in him also.

We got into a horrible fight on Sunday morning. I am not even sure how it started (doesn’t that happen a lot?) but it got ugly fast. I was so depressed. I just laid in bed that morning and wallowed in self-pity, thinking to myself “Why is this happening? Things will never be better. He will never change.” Of course, things are never my fault… 😉 I am disappointed in myself and how soon I gave up. I quickly put the blame on him when my reaction was less than perfect also.

After about an hour of being grumpy with each other, I apologized to RH for my actions. He quickly followed and apologized as well. This NEVER happened before. We would fight tooth and nail for 3 or 4 hours sometimes with neither one budging. While the argument made me sad yesterday morning, it also made me feel incredible. Yes, we argued but we came to an agreement and we both apologized for our not-so-nice part in it. We moved on with our morning, went to church and enjoyed the day! Amazing how God has helped us overcome.

The title of this post comes from the song by Taylor Swift. Last night I had the most horrible nightmare. It had to do with RH and our past. I woke up with instant anxiety and a flood of emotions from the past rolling in. As I was getting ready, I thought about how I knew this would cause conflict. RH hadn’t even done anything but I was already building our day on the foundation of that horrible dream. While getting ready in the bathroom, I got down on my knees and asked for God’s help. I wanted Him to take my anxiety, fear and stress so we could have a positive beginning to our day. As I prayed, I felt the weight being lifted off my shoulders. I took a deep breath and kissed my honey good morning with no bad emotions holding me back!

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

P.S. I am participating in the 25 Day Praise Plan. It’s never too late to participate in this challenge. Everyday is a great day to make your husband feel special. Click on the link to hop on over to Courtney’s Women Living Well blog to get the info.

http://womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/2011/01/25-day-praise-plan-marriage-challenge.html

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Scene 1: The intro

I mostly made this blog for myself. Who am I kidding? I want feedback.

This have been seriously messed up since last year. I mean, two years ago… no wait, three years ago? I don’t know where it all fell apart.

This a log of my journey. I want to see how far I can come. I want to see how much I can grow. I want you to see it, too.

I have never had a close relationship with Jesus. I felt a void. I felt that something was missing. I felt like my life was a roller-coaster ride and I couldn’t get it to stop or slow down. I was slowly losing control.

Everyone knows that a recipe of young love, false promises and a non-existent relationship with the Lord can end up disastrous. That’s what happened to me. Although, he was an alcoholic, I liked to pretend I was perfect and had no fault in our downfall. Why didn’t he love me enough to stop drinking? Why didn’t he love our newborn son enough to stop his foolishness? I realize now that he had a serious problem: a disease. It festered in our new marriage and our young love, poisoning it all. I will never regret the choice to love him. I received the best gift of all: our beautiful, baby boy. I also hope that he learned something from our time together. I know I learned too many lessons a little too late.

Fast forward a few years, I met a wonderful man. I will refer to him as RH. He is wonderful. He is a hard worker. He is the father my son no longer has. He helps people. He strives for excellence. He wants something better for his children and better for me.

Sadly, as it often does, both of our past relationships left us with lots of emotional baggage to sort through. This is our life now. We are a blended family and although it is wonderful, it is so very difficult at times. The past year has brought us many challenges. We have nearly called it quits a few times even though we both desperately wanted to make things work.

We began going to church about six months ago. We both loved the message and the time of worship. I longed for a relationship with God. I asked him into my heart. I asked him to heal this relationship. I asked him to cleanse me of my sins.

There were so many things I didn’t know about our Lord. I am striving to learn the ways he has set up for us. I am embarrassed to admit that I haven’t spent much time studying the bible. That is changing. I grew up going to church but I never enjoyed it. I never felt like I was getting anything out of it. That has changed. I asked  God to take me in and teach me and I feel that he has touched my heart.

It has been a few weeks since I have started living differently. I have submitted to God and am learning to submit to my husband as well. Things have radically changed. We are so much happier. We talk more. We laugh more. Sure, there are speed bumps along the way. We are still have some of our old habits. I have apologized twice in the last two days and I’m sure RH can tell you that I’m not known to do that!

This is my journey that my God has sent me on.

I can’t wait to see where he takes me next.

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Filed under Christianity, Decorating, Food